Sunday, March 29, 2009

"The Toilet"

For some of you, the title of "The Toilet" may be a little confusing. For others, you have a good idea where I am going with this. You see, there is one toilet that holds a special place in my life, it is "The Toilet", or in my family circle, it is known as the toilet bowl experience.

This story actually begins around June of 1949, but our story will take place in March of 1950. That is the period of time when my Mom was expecting me. In order to have some help with the time around the delivery, Mom went to Winslow, where her Mom lived. When it seemed that my birth was eminent, Mom was checked into the hospital - you know, just to make sure all went well.

The next part is where it gets a little interesting and I can only relay what I have heard and the little bits and pieces I can remember (get it?). Well, it seems that the good doctor had plans to play golf and my delivery looked like it may interfere with his tee time. So, he gave my Mom something to induce labor. Don't be too quick to judge him, playing golf in Winslow is not something you get to do everyday and I understand that you have to reserve a tee time minutes in advance.

The inducement began to work it's wonders. At the same time, Mom felt the need to visit the toilet - yes the same, famous one! While sitting there minding her own business, all of a sudden, I decided to drop onto the scene. Well, you can imagine what a splash I made. I guess, if there was ever a time that someone like me would pray for a breech delivery, this was it. But, no way!

(Just a side note - I was not sure if breech was breech or breach so I checked with I first tried breach and found it to mean a breaking of water as one definition. So, even though I was not a breech delivery, I still was a breach delivery.)

So, back to the story. As Mom went into shock, a nurse yelled, "heads-up everyone"; well, almost everyone. Quick action rescued an eight pound floater and when all was said and done there was a 10% discount on the doctor's bill for the deliver charge. So, all's well that ends well.

Mom, thanks for not flushing!

P.S. The rumor is that the good doctor made his tee time but did not have a great game.


  1. "pray for a breech delivery"!! HaHa I am actually still LAUGHING OUT LOUD

    Glad, though, that you have arrived at a level of personal acceptance of your infamous beginnings! MY NAME IS MIKE, AND I WAS BORN IN A TOILET

  2. I've always wondered if that was a true story or something from a dream I had. You have come a long ways from your humble beginnings. Perhaps that's why you linger so long in the bathroom when you's where you feel most at home. "8 pound floater"- pretty funny.